Welcome to Retrojunkie's

Caution: Due to the fact that some areas of this site contain nudity, depictions of sexual activity, depictions of violence, and profanity, Retrojunkie's may not be suitable for all visitors. Parents are encouraged to preview the site before allowing their children to access it.

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Retrojunkie's is a business specializing in second-hand, salvaged, and surplus items. It's a small business, consisting of just me (Matt Roberts), working out of my home in Barre, Vermont.

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So What is Retro?

Well, the term retro just means having to do with the past. The beginning of this sentence could be retro by the time you reach this point in your reading. And it's not surprising that different people have a different view of what's retro and what isn't. So, I've decided on an arbitrary definition for the purposes of this site. You are encouraged to develop your own definition, in order to introduce as much confusion as possible into the known universe. Here are the definitions of retro, vintage, and antique as I see them:

Retro. If it's twenty-five years old or older, it's retro. That doesn't mean you're retro if you were born in 1989, but the events, souvenirs, and ephemera thereof are. You can find more precise definitions of retro at Dictionary.com

Vintage. Fifty years old or older. This differs from retro in that if you were born in 1964, you are vintage. I mean, let's face it: you're half a century old. So stop pretending to be young, eat your prunes, and start practicing yelling at kids who trespass on your lawn. The neighbor's dogs will suffice for this purpose. Yelling at your own dog will result in canine confusion and possible medication increases (for you). Neither of which are necessarily bad things, as long as you're forewarned.

Antique. The Federal government, bless their rhetoric-bleating little hearts, have already decided this one for us. If it's a hundred years old or older, it's antique. And if you're a hundred years old or older, you can stop eating the prunes now. Have a beer instead. What's it going to do, stunt your growth?

Me. I'm fifty-four. And I hate prunes. Thanks for asking.

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About the Site

There are some ASCII Art pages. I think it's pretty spiffy, though I lack the talent to do it myself. Fortunately for me, there are lots of talented artists. So I've been collecting it and organizing it into categories. Just for fun, I thought I'd share some of it with you.

Because I've made a little money selling books, I've collected a bit of information here and there. I've stuck some of that in a Book Collecting section.

The Screensaver Universe is the repository of the screensavers I make for my own use.

And because I'm a silly guy, I've added a Jokes section.

Cerebral Flatulence is where I'm planning to keep a record of the miscellaneous journeys my mind makes when it wanders. I might do some more, I might do a lot more, I might just leave it at the one I've already got. Haven't decided yet.

The Celebrity Universe is what I call my collection of images of famous and semi-famous people, mostly women, preferably in bikinis and lingerie or less. Caution: Many pages contain nudity.

For those of you who want to see what's been updated on the site, and possibly catch a glimpse of my skewed perception of the known universe, I offer the Extremely Local News.

There's a section for videos, where I'll stash various motion pictures of things I think you might want to see.

A links page is where you might be able to find things I don't currently offer.

I'm going to store sound files in the Sound Box.

Song lyrics will be found at The Lyric Sheet.

The Magazine Rack is where I'll stuff scans of old magazines.

As time goes by, I'll be adding some Animated GIFs.

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So, here are the categories I have worked up so far:

Going Offline
ASCII Art
Book Collecting
The Celebrity Universe (Pictures)
Cerebral Flatulence
The Cookbook (Old Recipes)
Animated GIFs
Jokes
Links
The Lyric Sheet (Song Lyrics)
The Magazine Rack
Movie Descriptions
The Movie House (Videos)
The Extremely Local News
The Screen Saver Universe
The Sound Box (Sound Files)

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Site begun 1-10-03