One day, whilst playing football in the yard... ______________________________ | ------------ | |SMASH!!! | | | \/\ / | | | / __--/| | @@ | \-\/ \/ | | @o\ | /\__/\ | | | > |~~| | \/ / | | /\ O----- | | | |__\ | |/ - W \ |00| -----|------ | /\\// \ | >| | | / \/ \ \ O/ --------------------------Oh crikey! \ \# | |/ \ / \ | | DERRRENNNNN! || || | | || ||___________/___________|__________________________ || || / || || / ~~~~ VV VV / O \ ====\ / You're for it C @| | _ \ / now! Old man | | | | \ \ Granger saw----- > / | | \ \ /\ you kicking \__/ | | \ \/ / the ball! / \ | | \ / || | | | \/ || | | |__ || | |____| || | --------------------------------------------------------- Some time later... __________ | | | @@@ | |~~| | O O -----------OK Derren, off you go now, | | | ( > ) | there's a good lad! o|00| | \V/ | |< | | / \ | Wow! I thought you'd be o \~ / | | | | suspended! How did you do it? #/ | | | | Your powers of mind control o / \ | | | | must be phenomenal!! || || | | | | | o || || | /===\ | | o || || | | | | ~~~~ | (It was only) || || | | | | / O | (a blow job) VV VV | | | | |@ C / ==== | | | | | | / | | | == == | \ <-- | | | -----------------------\__/------------------------| | | / \ | | | | || | | | | || __| | | | || |_ __| | | || |____| -------------------------END----------------------------- @@@ {o o} So, who can tell me what the - derivative of this equation will {-}-------be? Hmmm... Brown! / \ ( ) Erm... _____w___w_____ / _______________ | Pssst! Derren! Use || || || || | your powers of mind || || || || | control on him! || || || || | \ || /\ /\ || ~~~ \ o~~ \ __ I DON'T think < | \ O @| you want to------o |__ _\c /_ be asking ME / #/| / / ~_/ / / that / ___ |/|| / ___ |/|| / QUESTION! / O___ | || / O___ | || / O / | | || / | | || / / |_| / |_| / /______// / /______// / /_____ || ||__/ || ||__/ || | || _/||=== || _/||=== || _/| |||__|| \\ |||__|| \\ |||__| || || \\ || || \\ || | ------------------------------------------------- @@@ {o o}o o o o (Fuck... don't want him to) - (tell people I'm boning his) {o}\ (little sister!) / \ \ ( ) ------ _____w___w_____ \ _______________ ----Very well, Brown. || || || || || || || || Wow! You should be || || || || on telly or summat! || /\ /\ || ~~~ \ o~~ \ __ < | \ O @| __~ |__ _\c /_ / #/| / / ~_/ / / / ___ |/|| / ___ |/|| / / O___ | || / O___ | || / O / | | || / | | || / / |_| / |_| / /______// / /______// / /_____ || ||__/ || ||__/ || | || _/||=== || _/||=== || _/| |||__|| \\ |||__|| \\ |||__| || || \\ || || \\ || | ----------------------END------------------------ |~~| | | Hey, Derren! If you really |00| have special mind powers, | >| tell me something about __ \ O/ myself that nobody else------ 0 \\ \# \ could possibly know! \ C || / \ \ --- = || || || \ \ || || || \ Hmmm... OK. You have a / \\ || || \birthmark shaped like / |\\ || || a dancing trout on ~~~~ \ | VV VV your left buttock, O \ | | ==== and you have a C @| | | | | piercing in an | | |__| | | | 'unusual' place. > / / \ | | | \__/ / \ | | | / \ /______\ | | | || | |||| | | |__ || | _||| | |__ _| || | /__|| |____| || | /__/ ---------------------------------------------------- |~~| | |o My God! There's no way |00| o you could possibly have\ | >| o known that! \ __ \ O/ o \ 0 \\ \# o Dude... you're \ C || / \ o my new idol! \ = || || || o \ \ || || || o \ / \\ || || o \ / |\\ || || (Man, that rohypnol's) \ ~~~~ \ | VV VV (some good stuff!) \ O \ | | ==== (She doesn't remember) C @| | | | | (a thing!) | | |__| | | | > / / \ | | | \__/ / \ | | | / \ /______\ | | | || | |||| | | |__ || | _||| | |__ _| || | /__|| |____| || | /__/ ---------------------END---------------------------- |~~| | | Hey Derren! Have you heard |00| what that foreign exchange | >| student David Blaine's up \ -/\ to? | \# \ | / \ ----Ah, Blaine... my arch | || || nemesis. What's he | || || doing now? | || || | || || ~~~~ VV VV He's locked himself O \ ==== inside a big plastic C @| | | box in the girls' | | | | | changing room!-------- > / | | | \__/ | | | / \ | | | || | | | |__ || | | |__ _| || | |____| || | ------------------------------------------ |~~| | | *sigh* Is this another |00| -one of his 'incredible' | >| / 'feats' of endurance? \ O/-- \# / \ Nah, he's just a dirty || || pervert. He keeps || || steaming up the || || perspex! \ || || \ ~~~~ VV VV \ O \ ==== \ C @| | | \ | | | | | ------> / | | | \__/ | | | / \ | | | || | | | |__ || | | |__ _| || | |____| || | -------------------END-------------------- |~~| | | Derren, out of my way! |00| /I'm bursting for the |< | / toilet! Quick! ---\O / | / #/ | / / \ | No, wait... look / || || | into my eyes. / || || | You don't need to || || ~~~~ go to the toilet. || || / O You do NOT need VV VV |@ C the toilet. ==== | | | | \ <---Yeah, that's right. | | | \__/ I don't even slightly | | | / \ need to go anymore! | | | | || | | | | || __| | | | || |_ __| | | || |____| ------------------------------------------ |~~| ARGH! I pissed my pants! | | I'll get you for this, |00| Derren Brown! |< | | -----\- / | / #/ | / / \ | / || || | Heh. I love/ || || | doing that. || || ~~~~ | || || / O | VV VV |@ C | ==== | | / | | \ 0/ | | | \__/ | | | / \ | | | | || | | | | || __| | | | || |_ __| | | || |____| --------------------END------------------- |~~| OK, welcome to the first 0 \\ | | -- meeting of the after-school C || |00| / seance club. -------- = || | >| / / \ || \ O// Derren, you said believing / / \\ \# \ in ghosts was for the twattish / |||\\ / \ \ and the gullible. What changed \ ||| | || \ your mind? |||| | || \ |||| | || \ Oh, nothing. Right, that's |""| | || -just the 30 pounds joining ~~~~ / \ V VV fee.... O \ / \ ==== C @| /______\ | | 30 pounds? For the very | | |||| | | | slim chance that we may-----> / _||| | | | speak to a ghost?... \__/ /__|| | | | ...sweet deal! / \ /__/ | | | || | | | |__ || | | |__ _| || | |____| || | --------------------------------------------------------- Now, we all need to stay very quiet and think of ----------- someone we want to contact... | | | | ------- | | BANG! CRASH! Mooaaannnn... | | | | | WooOOOOoOOOO! CLATTER!\ | | | | | __ \ | | | | | __________________ O \\ \ | ------- | | / \ C \\ \ | O | ~~~ \ =_/|| ------\ | | ~~o --JESUS CHRIST! ___| |\\ \| | /| > / What the- O___ | ---- | / | o/ __| | | |\ |\# O @| | | ||\| ___ c /\ | | || | ___O ~_/ /| | | || | | ___ |/||------------------------- |_| O___ | || \ \\ | | || \__\ |_| ===|\________________// / // ||__| ||__/ // || _/||=== || |__|| \\ || \\ --------------------------------------------------------- Curse you, Colin The Owl! I told you to wait for the ----------- signal! / /| | / / | | / / |FEAR ME! | / | |Moo-haha!| / __ | | | | _____/____________ O \\ | | | | / / \ C \\ | | | | ~~~ / \ =_/|| | | | | ~~o / ___| |\\ | | ^_^| | /| > / O___ | | | /o~o\ | / | o/ I want my __| | | / v \ | |\ |\# money back. O @| | |/ / \ \| ||\| ___ \ c /\ | | \ / | || | ___O -------~_/ /| | | "' "' | || | | ___ |/||-------| /--------------- |_| O___ | || |/ \ \\ | | || / \__\ |_| ===|\________________// / // ||__| ||__/ // || _/||=== || |__|| \\ || \\ ---------------------------END-------------------------- OK, this time I can really feel a presence in the room. We'll just need to turn the lights out... | __ ___|______________ O \\ / | \ C \\ ~~~ | \ =_/|| ~~o / ___| |\\ /| > / O___ | / | o/ __| \ |\# O @| \| ___ c /\ | ___O ~_/ /| | | ___ |/|| |_| O___ | || \ \\ | | || \__\ |_| ===|\________________// / // ||__| ||__/ // || _/||=== || |__|| \\ || \\ --------------------------------------------------------- \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\*CLICK*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\Now, all stay quiet\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\and concentrate...\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ARGH! Derren! There's \\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\something touching my\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\legs! It's going up my \\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\skirt!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Hang on, I'll get the\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\lights...\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*CLICK*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ --------------------------------------------------------- Wow... I feel like I've had a real encounter with a ghost! Thanks Derren! \ __ __________________ \ O \\ / \ \C \\ ~~~ \ =_/|| ~~o ___| |\\ /| > Er, yeah... O___ | / | o-----a ghost! __| \ |\# That's what O @| \| ___ it was! c /\ | ___O ~_/ /| | | ___ |/|| |_| O___ | || \ \\ | | || \__\ |_| ===|\________________// / // ||__| ||__/ // || _/||=== || |__|| \\ || \\ ---------------------------END--------------------------- ____________ __ | | // 0 What are you | |----| | __ || C queueing for? | | | | = \ || =---\ | | | | | O | || / Derren's auditioning | | | | | < | // \ for a new trick! It | | |____| | > / //||| \ sounds dangerous! | | | \| ||| / | | O | /\ |||| ~~~~ |----------| /||| |||| O \ ||RUSSIAN || |||| |""| C @| ||ROULETTE|| |vv| / \ | | |----------| |__| / \ > / | | | | /______\ \__/ | | |||| |||| / \ | | _|||| |||_ || | |__________|(__||| ||__\ || | (__| \__\ || | || | --------------------------------------------------------- INSIDE... Right, I'm sure I've got |~~| it right THIS time...\ | | \ |00| Isn't Russian Roulette \ |< | usually about aiming ----\o / @@@ the gun at _____ / #/ O O yourself? ()___ |__/__/ \ ( > ) / (||_/___ || \V/--- --/ | || / \\ Yes, but I've not / | || | |\ perfected it yet.----- | || | | \ | VV | | \ ==== | | -OK! | | _______ /===\ | | | \ \/ /\__ | | | | | \_\/__Ox) | | | | | ___/ \_)__ | | | | | _____/ O^o} | | __| | | __<_____\___o}== == |_ __| | |____| --------------------------------------------------------- ____________ | | __ | |----|------BANG 0 \\ | | / | __ C || | | /| | = \ = || | | / | | --Thump O | \ || | |____| |/ < | / \\ | ------ > / / |||\\ | --------'Oh, shit.' \| \ ||| ~~~~ |----------| /\ |||| O \ ||RUSSIAN || /||| |||| C @| ||ROULETTE|| -'Next |||| |""| | | |----------|/ please!' |vv| / \ > / | ------ |__| / \ \__/ | | | | /______\ / \ | | |||| |||| || | |__________| _|||| _||| || | (__||| /__|| || | (__| /__/ || | --------------------------END----------------------------