A Man, A Woman, And A Computer by David Palmer Hey, cool i-mac! Does it have Windows!? ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ What? ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ Oh, wait, that was stupid. All Macs have Windows. ! , ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_.))__[_] __________ || _____________ | |bb | |____________________dp Friday night and no Girl, you got no love life. no date as usual! , __ ||| _ #..# <'|| |_) .)(. |_>>. _[__] ________ || _____________ | |>> | |____________________ I don't see you doin' What about Rico? anything about it. I introduced you to Rico, didn't I? , ` __ ||| _ #..# <'|| |_) <)(> |_>>. _[__] ________ || _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Honey, when you told me He has a tooth... about Rico, you didn't say that the boy had no teeth! , ` __ ||| _ #..# ||'> |_) <)(' |_>>. _[__] ________ || _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp Where's your brother? He hasn't been here all week. , ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ He's off having sex Oh....right. with a pigmy goat. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Wait, who let out the goats? , ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_((.__[_] _______||__________________ | |bb | |____________________dp Hi! Hi! So, did she give you any? , ` __ ## '.. #]] |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Hell no. . . You know Not even for Christmas? how tight she is. , ` __ ## '.. #]] |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Especially not for Christmas. WHAT?....Your mom? My mom's kind of weird, man. , ` __ ## '.. [[# |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ What were you talking about? I was asking if your girlfriend let you have sex over the holiday. , ` __ ## '.. [[# |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Oh. . . no. Ohhh... , ` __ ## '.. #]] |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Don't ask about the mom thing, please. __ ' ## ..' [[# |)-. .||. |_((.__[_] ________ || _______________ | |bb | |____________________dp Hey, what's karma? , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ You know on pies? It is? The pie crust? It's the little wrinkles , on pie crust. ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Yeah. So there's good karma and bad karma. So if you go to a restaurant, and you don't like the crust of your pie, you can say "This pie has bad karma" and send it back. ? ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||> |_>>. _[__] ________ dd _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp These pockets won't open up. Yeah, they're sewn shut. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___ bb __________________ | |>> | |____________________ Why? They're decorative. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Decorative? Who ever heard They're pretty standard of decorative pockets? in all suits. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) `||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ In that case I'm going back to the shop to get some shorts with ornaments sewn into the crotch. ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||> |_>>. _[__] ________ dd _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp I can't believe she She's just stupid. I mean, said we're immature. how can we have a high school mentality if we're in college? , ` __ ## '.. [[# .||. <||> ________________ || _________ dd____________________ We should egg her door! Yeah! , ` __ ## '.. [[# .||. <||> ________________ || _________ dd____________________dp Sometimes I feel like I What the hell is that can never make people supposed to mean? understand what I'm trying to say. ` , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp Hi! What's up? I've just got this AOL CD in the mail. Does it give me email? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Yes it does but... Well, can I have my answering machine hooked up so that I can just check my email from my answering machine? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ No, you can't do that. I suppose that's why you don't want to switch to AOL. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ dp I heard you shouting - I'm writing my first email. what's wrong? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ So, what the problem? Well I can get the 'a'. But how do I put the circle around it? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |__________________dp I heard you shouting. I dont have a '7' key. What's wrong? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ '7' is between I don't have a '7' key '6' and '8'! , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Do you see the '1' key? Yes. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) `||' |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |____________________ What's to the '2' right of that? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) `||' |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |____________________ And further right? '3', '4', '5', '6'. . ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb ___ | |>> | |____________________ What's the next one? '8'. . ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_<<. _[__] __________________ bb ___ | |>> | |____________________ WHAT?? It should be to Ohhhh, that '7' key. the left of the '8' and the right of the '6'!!! , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) `||' |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb ___ | |>> | |____________________dp Does that i-mac have No, but I don't have a a battery backup system? problem with power cuts. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ But you don't want to lose You don't need a battery all of your documents backup for that. That's everytime you turn off why it has a 10 gigabyte the computer do you? hard drive! , ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ A hard what? A hard drive. It's like a whole bunch of floppy disks ` inside your computer that you can store documents on. , ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ I think you should get I don't need it. a battery backup. , , ||| ## <'|| #]] |)-. .<<. |_((.__[_] ___________|| _____________ | |bb | |____________________ Why? , ! ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] ___________|| _____________ | |bb | |____________________dp How's that new soundcard It's defective, you can take I gave you working out? it back - the sound balance is backwards. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_<<. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ What do you mean? The left channel is coming out It was working fine! of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective. ` , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>._[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Why don't you move the I suppose that's a work-around left speaker the right but it doesn't solve the actual side of the machine fault does it? and vice versa? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_<<. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp Hi, how are you getting I can't write to my disk! on with Windows XP? ` ' ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_<<. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Let me take a look. See! It won't let me write to the D: drive! ` , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_ >>._[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ But, that's a CD-ROM But I went out and drive....you can't.. bought these disks! , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||> |_<<. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ No, you need a CD-R But this is a CD drive! drive to use those, and..... , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_ >>._[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp Have you finished yet? No, not yet. I think I need a break. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Let's go and get a window Oh, yeah! That always seat in McDonalds opposite Cheers me up. the new department store and watch all the stupid people walk into the glass door. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp I think I'm going to Ha! Rabbits are like, such buy a pet rabbit. dumb animals. I mean, they're like chickens with feathers. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ What? I mean, they're like, chickens without feathers. ` , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ What the hell are you I mean, they're like, talking about? chickens with fur. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ Yeah, right. Whatever. , ## ||| _ [[# ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __dd ____________________ | |>> | |____________________dp What's that? That's what they call 'really good art'. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ It doesn't look That's because you very good. don't understand art. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp Are you in a bad mood? I feel like a thumbtack. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ What? AN ANGRY THUMBTACK!! , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp Hey, nice T-shirt. , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Yeah, they used I don't know...I kinda to be a cool band. liked the first two albums.. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Yeah, they rocked! ....but now it's like, come on, please! This is a band that built a whole concept album around suicide, y'know? And now they're all happy? ` , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Back in a minute. , ## ||| _ [[# ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _________ dd ___________ | |>> | |____________________dp Have you seen Spinal Tap? "This Is Spinal Tap"? No, what is it? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ It's a movie, a cult-type People in the occult are movie. weird! Why would you ever want to watch someone getting a Spinal Tap done? ` , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp What's your sister's He's a nice guy but ...hmmm new boyfriend like? I'm not too sure about him. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ What do you mean? He's... alright, but, he does hang on to her like a turd on a fish. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___________ bb __________ | |>> | |____________________ What? You know, when it just clings to the fish's anus when it swims round in ` the bowl. , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___________ bb __________ | |>> | |____________________ ! But he is a nice guy though , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___________ bb __________ | |>> | |____________________dp I need to go outside Are you still smoking? for a minute. ` ' ||| ## <'|| #]] |)-. .<<. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Yes. So much for quitting! , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ My therapist told me that Since when is being an it's okay for me to smoke air-head traumatic? right now because I'm going , through a lot of really traumatic shit. ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________dp I'm back. How did it go at the vet? ` , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ In the waiting room was Eight!! Where were a woman carrying a box they joined? containing eight Siamese kittens. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp You know they say that Yeah, because they America uses the most have so many prisons. soap in the world. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.___[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ Why prisons? When all those prisoners drop soap they just leave it there. ` , ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ So that's why you Yeah. never see a clean convict? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.___[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________dp Now press the spacebar. Return bar? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ No, space bar. Space. I have an enter bar, return bar, and a shift key? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ No, space. Space bar. I'm confused. The long horizontal key! , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Ok, see your c, v, Yes? b, n, and m keys? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Right under them. Ohhhhh! , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Do you still have Yes, why? the box that your computer came in? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Send it back. You're too stupid to have a computer. ` ## ||| _ [[# <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ______________ dd ______ | |>> | |____________________dp Is that new soundcard There's a problem. I tried the driver working? install disk and now drive A won't work. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ What do you mean? You gave me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Did it not install properly? I didn't get any error message. What kind of error messages The disk got stuck in the drive did you get? and wouldn't come out. So I got some pliers and tried to get it out and that didn't work either. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ You did WHAT? I got some pliers, and tried to get to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ I don't understand, did No, so then I got a some butter and you push the eject button? melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would give me a disk that was defective. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp Could you put my old monitor back on this computer? , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Why? Don't you prefer Well, yes, but I spent ages this larger monitor? downloading a screen saver for the old monitor and I don't want to lose it. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Shall I copy the screen You can do that? saver from your old monitor to the new one? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ I sure can. That's wonderful, you're a genius! , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _____________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp How do I get to Display Properties in Windows 98? , ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Right click on the desktop. Which one is that? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ You know your right Oh, okay..... from left don't you? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ What happened? Nothing. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ You did click the I think so. right mouse button? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ The one on your right? Which one was that again? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________dp I'm going to get a Really? What kind? computer after I get paid next month. , ` __ ||| _ #..# ||'> |_) .)(. |_>>. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________ Well, you know, I just want Ok, well, you need to get a the basic stuff, a monitor, system first, then think about and a printer and a scanner, the extras. You really need to and maybe a camera, plus the learn the basics first. A stuff to make cards and print computer with a monitor and a photos and all that, and the printer isprobably going to be stuff to take care of paying a minimum of $800 to $1000, if my bills, and online you really want them all to be from the same company. , ` __ ||| _ #..# ||'> |_) .)(. |_>>. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________ REALLY?! Well, ok, but I What? probably will need two printers, so it'll be more then, huh? ' ` __ ||| _ #..# <'|| |_) `)(> |_<<. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________ Yeah, you can do that, Well, yes but... right, hook up two of the same printer, to one , computer? ` __ ||| _ #..# <'|| |_) <)(> |_<<. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________ Ok, wait, I know, what Ok, you know what, what the about two computers? Can hell are you talking about?!? you do that? Can you hook Why do you think you need to two computers together? do this?!? , ` __ ||| _ #..# <'|| |_) <)(, |_<<. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________ Well, when I go to print out Yeah, sure. that manuscript I'm going to write, it'll probably be like ' 800 pages or so, so how am I ever going to get one printer to print that much, and one computer probably can't even hold that much in one thing right? ` __ ||| _ #..# ||'> |_) .)(. |_>>. _[__] _____________________ || __ | |>> | |____________________dp Lets eat out tonight. Sure. There's a new Chinese place, no wait you don't like Chinese food. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ I do like like Chinese food. Well, you don't like mushrooms and chestnuts. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ I have issues with Issues? those foods. , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________ Yeah, I have issues. What sort of issues can you have with mushrooms? , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________ I won't eat them because Oh......Issues. they're not attractive. I won't eat calamari because it isn't attractive. I won't eat unattractive food. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________dp There - it's all ready. Great. Did you hide the iced tea from grandma? , ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Oh damn! I'll be right back. ` ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________dp You've got to get going. Mm-hmm. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ You've got to get going. Hmmm ...okay. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ No, really. You've got WHAT? to get going. , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ You wanted me to remind you. Oh no! look at the time - You've got to get going. why didn't you remind me? ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________dp You're in a happy mood today. , ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ What, because I told that Well... nagging voice in my head to fuck off? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ And now I'm walking around It's prozac, isn't it? with a smile on my face? , ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. `>>' |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________dp So, did you hear that Oh........Is he okay? Carl Wilson died? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Died......DEAD. Oh. Dead dead. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________dp Hi! What are you doing? I'm shopping online but something here is confusing me. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ___ bb __________________ | |>> | |____________________ Why? The tuna packed in water is labelled "dolphin safe", but the tuna packed in oil isn't. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________ That's because they Oh yes, of course. suffocate in the oil. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) `||' |_>>. _[__] ________ bb _____________ | |>> | |____________________dp I've accidentally eaten Don't worry, it won't an ant in a sandwich. be a problem. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ That's good. I ate some WHAT? ant poison just in case , ` ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_ ||__[_] ________________ || _______ | |dd| |____________________dp I don't know what to get my Why don't you get him a book? brother for his birthday , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Nah, he's already got a book and he never reads it. ? ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________dp Is the Great Auk extinct? Yes. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Do you think they'll try No, that's impossible. to reintroduce it? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Why? Because it's EXTINCT! , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________ Still? ? ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_||.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |___________________dp How are you getting on Pretty good. Come and see. with that old family photo of mine? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ Can you move the cow? Move the cow? , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ I want to know what my I can't do that. great-grandfather looked like. He's behind the cow, those are his feet. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ Just move the cow over, The technology to do and we'll be able to see that doesn't exist. his face. , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>' |_((.__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ Well, I guess I'll just have to get someone else to do it then. ? ` ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_<||>__[_] ___________ || ____________ | |dd | |____________________dp Oh my god! Look at the Well there's lots size of her! How can of reasons why she people let themselves might have gained so get like that? much weight.... , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |____________________ She's obviously got That's a bit unkind no will power. She isn't it? needs to stop bending her elbow! , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ I'm going outside for You just need to a cigarette. I wish I stop bending your could stop smoking. elbow. , , ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_.))__[_] __________ || _____________ | |bb | |____________________dp What's the problem?" It says "Enter your name and press RETURN." What do I do? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Enter your name and Oh! press RETURN. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ What happened? The whole thing locked up. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ Press "Ctrl", "Alt" Nothing happened. and "Del". , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ No you have to press At the same time? Do you think "Ctrl", "Alt" and I'm stupid? That would break "Del" together. the keyboard! , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] __________________ bb __ | |>> | |____________________ No, let me show you.. Okay. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_<<. _[__] ___________________ bb _ | ||| | |____________________ Oh I see. I'm a bit What do you mean? worried by that thing. , `||| ## _ ||'> #]] |_) .>>. |_((.__[__] __________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ It's an open system Well actualy..... isnt it? , `||| ## _ ||'> #]] |_) .>>. |_((.__[__] __________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________ I heard you have to be What? careful about getting locked into open systems. , ` ||| ## _ ||'> [[# |_) .>>. |_((.__[__] __________________ || __ | |bb | |____________________dp Your friend Suzi has What colour? bleached her hair. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |_________________ You say some stupid 20/20. things sometimes. What's your IQ? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _______________ bb ______ | |>> | |_________________dp Hi! Have you tried that No, it won't run. program I gave you? , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _______________ bb ______ | |>> | |_________________ Are you sure? Well I can't run It worked for me. the program. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |_________________ Is your computer fast enough? Yes. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] _______________ bb ______ | |>> | |_________________ You do know it's Yes. in zip format? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |_________________ Well did you unzip it? No, it would take up too much space. , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _______________ bb ______ | |>> | |_________________ Then you can't use it! How do I run it? , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||. |_>>. _[__] ______________ bb _______ | |>> | |_________________ UNZIP THE FILE! I can't! That takes up too much room! , ` ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] _______________ bb ______ | |>> | |_________________ Where are you going? How can I run the program? , ## ||| _ [[# <'|| |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ______dd_________________ | |>> | |_________________dp Remember my old Hmmmmmm. friend Anna? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ________________ || _______ | |bb | |_________________ She was in your Hmmmmmmm. class at school. , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ____________________ || ___ | |bb | |_________________ She's dead. Oh....what happened to her? ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] _____________________ || __ | |bb | |_________________ Well! I hope she went No, I meant how did..... to heaven of course! oh nevermind. , ` ||| ## <'|| [[# |)-. .<<. |_.))__[_] _______________ || ________ | |bb | |_________________dp I'm fed up with solving How do I do that? your problems. You need , to figure out how to fix things yourself. ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb ____ | |>> | |_________________dp Hey I like that track. Unknown Artist - Track 2 What's it called? @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24) , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ____________________ || ___ | |bb | |_________________ Oh yeah, that band rocks! ` ||| ## <'|| #]] |)-. .<<. |_((.__[_] ____________ || ___________ | |bb | |_________________dp That dog across the That's terrible, the street tried to bite owners should keep it me again today! under control. , ` ## ||| _ #]] <'|| |_) <||> |_>>. _[__] ___________________ bb ____ | |>> | |____________________ I'm going to phone them. Good idea. , ` ## ||| _ [[# ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] ____________ dd ___________ | |>> | |____________________ Mind you, it's nothing compared to the problems that cavemen used to have with dinosaurs. , ## ||| _ #]] ||'> |_) .||. |_>>. _[__] _____ dd __________________ | |>> | |____________________dp I need to mail a box of Hmmmm.... floppies to my sister. Will full disks weigh more than blank ones? , ` ||| ## ||'> #]] |)-. .>>. |_((.__[_] ____________________ || ___ | |bb | |_________________ I'll go and weigh them. Umm...10 quid? What would you give my sister for unzipping? , ` ||| ## <'|| #]] |)-. .<<. |_((.__[_] ____________ || ___________ | |bb | |_________________ WHAT? I meant like Oh..er..yeah..I knew that.. winzip or something! it was a joke..HA-HA-HA-HA! , ` ||| ## ||'> [[# |)-. .>>. |_.))__[_] ____________ || ____________ | |bb | |_________________dp