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All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced.
"OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
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A politician was speaking to a group on a western Indian Reservation. He was delighted that many of the group would enthusiastically yell, "HOYA" numerous times during his speech. The next day he was touring the reservation and during the tour was shown through a dairy. There were numerous patties around the area. His guide said, "Be careful not to step in the hoya."
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A busload of politicians was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
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At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretches out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they then board an open 17th century coach pulled by six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons. So far everything is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British Empire and so powerful that it shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. But, embarrassed, the Queen decides it’s impossible to ignore it. "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things not even a Queen can control." Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses!"
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President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch at a restaurant. Cheney orders the heart-healthy salad. Bush leans over to the waitress and says, "Honey could I have a quickie?"
The waitress was horrified. "Mr. President," she says, "I thought your administration was bringing a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see what a false promise that was."
As she marches off in a huff, Cheney leans over and says, "George, it's pronounced quiche."
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President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."
"Oh, no..." muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and sweat oil."
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Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a N.Y. country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the old cow was killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened?" asked Hillary. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied: "I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow." -----
One day the king of a fairly large country was greeted by a tiny knight. The knight told him the story of how he escaped a battle with a dragon, but his small horse had been killed. He begged the king for a horse, and the king was more than happy to offer him one. The problem, however, was that the knight was too small for the horses the king had. Finally, the king decided to give him a trained Great Dane to ride on. When he presented the Great Dane to the knight, the knight was horrified. He exclaimed, "You would send a knight out on a dog like this?"
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We take you now to the Oval Office.
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get
me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then
get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send
some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the
Middle East?
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Signs and Slogans:
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
----Revolution Books, New York, New Yorkk
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
----The Irish Times, Washington, DC
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President George W. Bush was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
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